Back Then
by Neffer-Tari
Summary: But now, I do understand it. You knew it" ShinxReira


Hello Everyone!

So, here I am again, absolutely frustrated due to a crisis of creativity that won't fade away -.-'

Anyway, this one here was written in March and I found it lost in my PC last Thursday. I decided, since I can't develop big projects, just update it and post. I think it is sweet, although I don't know if this time I could catch up Reira's and Shin's feelings. Once again, sorry if there's some mistake out there (I always forget about something).

Disclaimer: NANA doesn't belong to me

Now, please enjoy it :D

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**_BACK THEN_**

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Today, I woke up early in the morning. Lost in sacred darkness, I was alone hearing the birds singing outside. It's not like I don't appreciate it, but your light blinded me too much. It made be become used to it, and after that, turned me on a dependent person, who needs.

For the first time, and I hated it.

Looking back while changing my position in bed, fast images cross my mind, being replaced after flashes by other images. Insignificant pieces of memory that I wish could be vanished. Crucial pieces of memory, those which help us distinguish dreams from reality. That obligate us to understand that dreams and reality became one at a determinate period of time and comprehend that, even after that had happened, we're not blessed, we're still not satisfied. And you know, dreams really did dance with reality, both drowned in some complex feelings, emotions and sweet disillusions that I'd love to erase from me.

But still, I've been waiting; I've been always waiting for you since that day.

And you do know it.

I childish smiled at that time, but now I understand… I finally understand what you meant. You had never kissed me during the day, under the majestic cool sun. I still can picture it so clearly. It is ironic; you are the only woman I can't take of my mind, the only one I can't get enough of. And, even if I try with another prettier elder lady, she can't captivate me as much as you do. It annoys me so much…

I was thinking exactly about this while I saw you going away, as always. Your hair was a mess, long and wild, but still beautiful in that strange performance with the blowing strong wind. I've became used to let go of you, to exclude you from my group of potential lovers, even though that makes me ache and not satisfy me at all.

After the third step, you stopped so suddenly, you turn so fast… Your kiss was deeper than it used to be and you embraced me with an amount of desire I thought was never possible to feel. I didn't know you wanted me so bad, this little egocentric idea made my mind do an evil and dubious smile. While that, my conscience was starting to fade away, but I only stayed still at first. How could you do that in the middle of a public square, full of unhappy people, broken hearts and souls full of angst? You really have the guts, don't you, my spoiled little one? Did you wanted to show to those poor creatures how madly happy you were?

It was selfish from you.

I will never let you know that I couldn't even close my eyes. I didn't embrace you whether. Another crazy though crossed me, just before I lose my mind: were you telling me that you really wanted to _stay_? Did you really mean that other people doesn't matter?

I couldn't think and take it anymore, there was no rational motives for your actions, was there? It didn't make sense… so, I just stayed there and while you gave me everything with only one powerful kiss, my stupid self only received, without even realize it.

But now, I do understand. It wasn't desire, it was despair. You only… wanted to know how it tasted in a shiny place with no limits and fears, far away from the shadows that always covered us. And, I think, always will.

You knew it. You knew you wouldn't call me anymore. You knew we'd only see each other again in crowded places, hiding deep within our true feelings, lying to ourselves and deceiving everyone with agility and calculating. Now I understand that you could have never walked away cold-heartedly, although you tried your best and wanted to be courageous... but that's something you have never been.

You did know it; that it was our last time.

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed now, and a darker Black Stone is burning, slowly dying in my left hand, while the right one is holding tight a bit of this pale blue hair of mine. I'm not like you. I am not weak and vulnerable. I can fight on my own. I don't accept things and bow down to a mad man. I struggle, I do what I want. I can survive without you, Reira-san and you realize it, that I can also wear my mask for the rest of my life, forgetting about your existence and what we had, leaving you behind and just sleep in another warm bed. With a warmer woman.

I can survive without you Reira...

So, please, come back.

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**A.N.:** So, this is it, my second fic about Shin and Reira. I liked writing and developing this, although that persistent feeling of departure made me ache a little – I love them together.

I'd love to know your opinions, so if you leave a review, I'll be very happy.

_Thank you for reading,_

_Neffer-Tari_


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